Pictures from Korea

Staff from our adoption agency went to Korea last month; yesterday, we got pictures!

Unfortunately, our Benji-boy had some anxiety.  Most of the pictures look sorta like this.  Well, this is the worst one.  But he was obviously quite upset.

We’ve been told before that he has stranger anxiety, especially with Caucasians.  (Oh boy.)  I wonder what set him off on this day?  Maybe he was tired, or not feeling well, to begin with.  It looks like he did settle down enough to look at the pictures we sent to him.

Maybe it's a picture of me that has him so interested?

The only picture that caught him looking even remotely at the camera

Peek a boo!

These pictures make me wonder – again – how our attachment process will go.  He’s obviously very attached to his foster mom (whose face I kept out of these pictures just for her privacy, btw).  We know he has stranger anxiety.  So, I wonder, will he attach to us pretty easily but continue to be anxious about the world at large?  Of course, I don’t want him to be anxious about anything, but I guess I’d rather deal with him being nervous around others than deal with him refusing to connect with us.  We’ve never dealt with this before; neither of the girls did that screaming-their-lungs-out-when-we-left-them thing.  We’ve always had it easy in that area.  It may be that we’re about to get majorly schooled in how to deal with stranger anxiety!  Thoughts, opinions, conjecture, and anecdotes are invited, whether you’ve adopted or not.

Our agency will send us video soon, which may give us a better idea of what was going on.

Only a few more months! After Christmas, I’ll start buying little boy clothes and sheets and toys!

 

About waymel

Navy wife. Homeschooling mom. Adoptive parent. Pianist. Introvert. One who loves quiet and beauty.
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11 Responses to Pictures from Korea

  1. loveandkate says:

    I love the pictures, although I hate that he was scared. I wish I had advice for you, but I will say that I know you and your family will do your best by Ben and he *will* know he is loved and I think that will go a long way in helping him understand who his family is. I pray that everything goes as easily as possible for him. He is just a doll!

  2. Jen says:

    Awww, he’s such a cutie.
    Wouldn’t it be nice if you all could go over there and spend like six months with him and his foster mom to ease the transition?
    You know it’s not going to be easy. But eventually he will learn to trust you as his family. And then he will learn from you that he can trust (some of) the rest of the world.
    Hard work, of course. But a labor of love, and totally worth it.
    But you knew that. 🙂

  3. sheryl says:

    poor little guy! maybe him seeing affection between you & Wayne will help a little?

  4. nicole says:

    he is so precious melanie!! praying for the Lord to prepare ya’ll and him for the days to come!!

  5. Holly Nalley says:

    Poor baby 😦 That hurts a heart to see that! You’re a mama, so you know anything I’d tell you, but I wonder if the things that work with other sensitve little ones (like Lana was) would work in this case, too- like bending down on his level as soon as you can, speaking softly (i’d really roll with that one) and holding off on touching him at all until you see he is warming up to you. (which would stink, cuz I’d wanna squeeze him immediately!) And maybe…Can you get him a little toy or something (bear, etc… that you know he’d like-) take pictures of it with each of you, and in different places around your house, and then send him the toy with the pics….Just a thought. Can you send him video of you? I’d be more inclined to think he’d warm up to Wayne first, and then, like Sheryl said, seeing Wayne’s affection toward you might help that. I also think he might warm up to the girls faster-? Just because they’re smaller. And once he sees them rely on you and trust you, he may follow suit….I’m talking off the top of my head here, Mel;) You’re his God-ordained Mama, though, and I will pray that he will recognize that in you really quickly. Something that worked with Lana (and still does, she is so freaked out I’m going to leave her, I take my shoes off to go get the mail, so she knows I’m not really “leaving”. I have left Lana in a class or with a sitter along with my car keys, or favorite necklace, or something she KNOWS I CANNOT leave without. I can’t get it across to her that I’d leave everything just to keep her, but she doesn’t see that in a moment of fear, so giving her something small of mine seems to help. (She’s cool to leave ME, like, on the bus, its when she sees me leave thats the problem.) Anyway, I hope there was a helpful nugget in there somewhere. All will be well ❤

    • waymel says:

      Thanks for those thoughts. Leaving something behind is a cool idea. We did send a video earlier this year, with his birthday package. I was thinking, too, when we first meet him I want to bring something that he really likes, like a snack food that’s a special treat or something. I will find out what would be a treat for him before we go (or at least I’ll try to). We do think he might warm up to the girls faster, which we why we decided to take them to Korea with us. I had to be talked into that one, but we thought he might be more comfortable with other kids, so we’re going to bring them. Thanks again for your thoughts!!

  6. Holly Nalley says:

    Oh, and, I’m gonna sound stupid, but the fact that you have dark hair and eyes might REALLY help out, seriously. It will have to be less of a visual shock/ transition for him than if you were blonde with light eyes or a redhead with freckles. Seriously. I feel silly saying it, but strictly visually speaking, it may be a big deal. So….Yay, brunette Melanie 🙂

  7. shirley wilmoth says:

    There is so much prayer support for your adopting little Ben that I really feel that it will go smoothly and he willnot be anxious though he exhibits anxiety here. Looks like he did calm down though. I think too that he will respond to the girls quickly and surely he will pick up on how very calm Wayne is all the time. Sending a stuffed animal or toy that you have had in your house first and taken pictures of sounds like a really good idea to me. I agree that he may find it easier to relate to Wayne and certainly , Mel, as Holly says your dark hair might help. He does seem very attached to his foster Mom. What a doll he is.

  8. Robyn says:

    It makes me sad to see him sad. I have no words of wisdom but just hope and pray he doesn’t find the transition too difficult. I wish I knew a way to make it easier on him.

  9. Rebecca says:

    I was sad to see him sad, too, but as I know you know 3-year-olds look like that periodically just about every day. It doesn’t always mean that there is seriously something wrong. It could just be one of those 3-year-old moments and not related to seeing pictures of you at all. . . and it does look like he got interested in one of those pictures, for sure! As for the anxiety difficulties, you know I have plenty of experience with that! My advice? Encouragement and rewards worked very well, and Ben will be old enough to understand rewards, which is a big bonus! But. . . lots of encouragement and comforting. It may be rough in the beginning, of course, but I think this is an incredible thing that you are doing. We’ll all be praying.

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