It’s been one of those days. The weight of responsibility of parenting, and of homeschooling, has been heavy. Today it feels like I’m failing at all of it.
All the kids have struggled with math this year. I thought we did fine with math all the other years. But this year, suddenly: math issues all around. Apparently I’m a terrible math teacher. Abby wants to go to private school next year and she has to get Pre-algebra straight before she goes into Algebra I. The pressure is on me.
I attended a webinar last week about parenting tweens. I shouldn’t have done it. I knew it was going to make me feel terrible. You know how sometimes you just know? The woman who presented is very sweet and sincere, she wouldn’t intend to make anyone feel this way, but my kids are extremely different from hers, our family dynamic is not at all the same, and I’ve felt like a failure ever since. So, basically I paid someone to make me feel bad about myself.
A variety of other accusations are flying around in my head. Your kids spend too much time online. They fight too much. No one likes to read. How am I raising kids who don’t read? How did I fail at that?
I don’t have a happy hopeful twist here. This isn’t that kind of post. This is just where I am today. But tomorrow is another day. I press on.
In happier news, the neighbor who hollered at me through the window the other evening came over today to apologize, saying he’d had a long day last Saturday. He brought a dog treat for Miley and said he was baking a dessert for the rest of us. That was awfully nice of him, wasn’t it? Maybe we’ll all get along after all.